don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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