Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
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I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize