glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
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If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
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All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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