I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
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I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
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Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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