are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
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I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
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I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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