so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
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My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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