Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize