Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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