If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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