Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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