i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My life is pants optional.
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