goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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