Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
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I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
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I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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