I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
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Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
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I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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