Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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