The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
no, he came in my armpit
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
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That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
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He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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