Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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