I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
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She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
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My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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