dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
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When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
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I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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