Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
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he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
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I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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