new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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