it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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