he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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