We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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