Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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