It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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