and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
love makes seman taste better
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
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All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
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i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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