So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
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Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
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I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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