all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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