There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize