remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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