Where is the hickey?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
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I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
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I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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