Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize