Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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