we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
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It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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