did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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