So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize