So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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