he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
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He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
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Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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