Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize