we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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