I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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