I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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