Whod you bang
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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