Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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