dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize