things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
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He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
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I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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