you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize