you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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