if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
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Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
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I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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